Published: August 06, 2008 02:49 pm      

Reaction to a Reaction

“Yeah, I think he’s allergic to something.”



Those have got to be the lamest words a doctor has ever spoken.



I know he’s allergic to something! My first clue was the explosion of hives down the side of his face, under his eyes, down his neck, back, stomach and legs. My second clue, as if I needed another one, was the fact that he’s itching almost constantly.



The runner-up for “Most Lame Words from a Doctor” is “Tell him not to scratch.”

You can tell a six-year old not to scratch until you are blue in the face (whatever that means), but if there’s an itch, they will scratch it, regardless of the infectious ramifications. Six-year olds live in the present. The imaginary future infection is not an issue yet. They’ll deal with that when they have to. In the meantime…there’s this itch that needs to be scratched.



Meanwhile, I’m contributing to the national debt by buying every anti-itch product on the market, trying to find one that will work for my kid. First line of defense is Benadryl. He can’t take the capsules or tablets yet. He says his mouth is too small. You wouldn’t know it by the stream of constant yammering coming out of it on a daily basis.



Liquid Benadryl goes in easy but comes right back out… with a vengeance… mixed with whatever he had for lunch.



Chewables are ejected as well after various grotesque expressions flit across his face and involuntary spasms pass through his body.



Finally, I found a “vanilla-mint” film that he tolerates melting on his tongue; probably because it’s “cool.”



Anti-itch creams sting. Oatmeal baths…well…he has to take a bath. As you know, that’s inhumane. And Calamine Lotion, a favorite from my youth, is pink and therefore it’s “only for girls.”



So what caused this dermatologic nightmare? It could have been any one of a hundred things. A six-year old’s day is just so full of “firsts”. Poison Ivy or Poison Oak? It’s possible. He knows what it looks like and has been warned about it, but if it’s between him and a tree he wants to climb, he’ll risk it; no doubt about it.



It’s strawberry season. Maybe it’s the plethora of strawberry-related desserts and fruit salads we’ve been eating lately.



Well, if we’re considering berries, it could be the bushel of mulberries he apparently ate straight from the patch he found. A bushel is a conservative estimate based on the remarkable number of purple stains he had all over his body. In fact, the mulberries would be a very likely suspect if he was not already covered in hives before he ate them. Oatmeal baths, by the way, may be fairly good at easing itching, but they are stunningly ineffective at removing mulberry stains from hive-covered six-year olds.



It might have been the chlorinated pool he was in the day before the hives appeared, I suppose. I hope not. I can’t imagine the boy never being able to swim in a pool. I wonder if his doctor would advise me to put oatmeal in the swimming pool?



Whatever it was, he’s sure to get it again one day. Perhaps by then, his life will be slightly less…busy…and narrowing down the suspects will be a little easier.



You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her books.